Spring Fever/Cabin Fever

Spring is here! I love when the weather changes.  I love the transitions of each season.  It makes my heart sing and, for some reason, relaxes me.  I love bringing out my wardrobe for the season and buying new things for it. But most of all, I love the smells that go along with weather change. 

I have been doing well over the last month.  No weight loss, but no weight gain.  My eating is under control for the most part and I'm pushing myself through exercising again.  I swear, one way or another I'm going to make myself like it.  I want to lose another 12-15lbs by April 20th, which is when I do the Electric Run.  My friends have talked me into doing it with them.  Although it is only a 5k, which seems small to me in comparison to half/full marathons, I think it is definitely one I can handle.  It looks like a lot of fun too!

Last night I tried this work out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q5nyrD4eM64 .  Jillian Michaels is a bad ass.  It was tough.  I am going to power through it again tonight as well.  This time, I'm going to try doing it before I hop on the bike and I'm going to try to make sure I get all the way through it.  I am sore today from it, but I like the idea of using your own body weight to build strength.  Sometime this weekend or next I am going to post some before and after pictures.  I am hoping to see a difference, even if it is small. 

I think that is all I have to write about today.  Hope you enjoy your day!! I'm off to write. I hope. Fingers crossed. 

Back on the wagon

So, I have been totally falling off of the wagon lately.  I haven't exercised in like a week and a half/2 weeks, and I haven't been tracking my eating. As usual though, my eating hasn't been too bad but the exercising has been, since I haven't been doing it.  I have had a rough couple of days. My favorite-ist aunt had surgery on Monday and I was at the hospital with her for part of it (although I had to leave because we had dogs to feed and a grumpy 5 year old with us) and my brother had surgery yesterday.  I am a worrier, (also a warrier, but that's for another time) so my mind was preoccupied with them.  Both are doing well, although sore. 

I am back on the wagon, eating healthily and exercising.  Best part is regardless, I haven't gained any weight.  I actually lost 1lb.  So YAY!!!

It's been a while...

So I haven't posted in like, what, a week?  I feel terrible about it, but I am back.  I haven't been doing too great on the whole exercise front.  Again, the exhaustion is winning out and I'm asleep before I even realize it.  I'd get up and work out at 2-3 in the morning, when I wake up and realize I had been sleeping, if I didn't think I'd wake the whole family up, including the dogs.  So my goal starting tonight, is to set my alarm for 9:00 p.m. That way, if I fall asleep, I'll wake back up and go do my workout. 

My eating has been pretty good, aside from Superbowl Sunday.  I feel like I pigged the F**k out, but its possible I didn't.  I love how my stomach has shrunk, so I am not able to consume as much food as I once had.  Its a great feeling.  Now I get a stomachache when I eat too much and it helps me to stop.

The other day my best friend Tricia posted her blog about her feelings and outlook on her body.  It was very emotional for her to write and it was emotional for me to read. I understand how she feels completely and it is hard to express that for the world to see.  I may have written a bit about it a while back, but she really touched on it. 

I have been trapped in this body for so long that there are many days where I feel like I just want to give up on it.  Then I read her posts, or Snowda's posts and I realize that I can't give up.  We are in this together, even if we don't talk every day. 

I am getting back on the wagon, so to speak, with regards to exercising and I am still hoping to be down at least 30lbs by summer.  I'm almost 1/2 way there anyway, so that's got to be motivating, right?

I am a lazy girl....

So the weekend has ended and it is Monday again! YAY (that was super sarcastic, by the way).  My weekend was decent, my eating was not.  Something took over and I used every excuse I could think of as to why I should eat whatever I wanted, it went from "cheat meal" to "cheat meals" to "cheat day" to "cheat weekend".  I don't know what made me just completely give up counting my calories and watching what I was eating. I just wanted to.  I decided that I was going to indulge in whatever I wanted. 

I am making it sound like i totally pigged out on whatever, which, to me, I had, but still, I am not completely sure that it was as bad as it was prior to me starting this challenge.  The first thing I wanted when I woke up Saturday morning was chocolate.  Then, when I was looking around for some, I decided it didn't really sound too great.  So I skipped it.  I had oatmeal instead.  I did end up having chocolate, and meatloaf and mashed potatoes, and something else unhealthy for lunch that wasn't memorable enough for me to even remember.  That is pretty much how my weekend went.  I tried to slow down my eating.  The only thing I even bothered controlling were my portions.

It has left me with a bloated, full, icky belly today and I am fairly certain I will never do it again.  I know that part of the problem is that I am an emotional eater.  My emotions have been up and down lately and I think it put me in to the "I don't give a F**k" mood.  I'm still trying to figure things out and all in all, today is a new day.  I will have to continue working towards my goal, no matter if I have a problem weekend, or day, or week. 

I've been afraid to weigh myself. I don't want to see the pounds I have gained.  It will probably just make me spiral further away from where I want to be.  My ultimate goal, aside from being at a healthy weight, is to be HAPPY.  100%, no matter what, HAPPY, happy with myself, happy with my body, happy inside and out.  Sometimes I feel I'm straying from that goal and have to constantly remind myself of it.

One day soon, ALL will be accomplished!!

Sick...Again

I am off of work today and home sick.  The second time I have been sick this winter.  It really sucks.  I went at least 3 years without getting sick. Then last year I got a doozy, strep, bronchitis and a sinus infection all in one. This year it has just been a minor chest cold, x 2. 

My blogging always lacks when I am home. My kiddo wants all of my attention and I give it to her.  She usually gets whatever she wants.  I even feel like my eating sucks when I am home, but I still track it and I am starting to find that I am eating okay.  I do feel much fuller now, which is good.  However, I have been taking that feeling as if I am overeating at lunch, when I am home.  I need to get used to it.

Good news, aside from being sick, I have lost 12.6 lbs! YAY!!!!! I also made my "Lbs lost" and "Lbs to lose" jars.  I like being able to move the marbles over!! It is a great feeling.  I fit into a dress that I haven't been able to zip up in years.  I have been wanting to wear it, so I wore it to work.  I have since decided that It isn't a real pretty dress so I am going to dump it.  I have lots of other clothes in my closet I'd like to fit into again!

Well,I need to go rest while I can.  I have a few hours before the kiddo gets home from school, which means I will not be able to get much rest, even though I'm sick, once she is here.

The Bitch ALWAYS Wins...maybe.

I have been up and down lately.  I am not sure if it is hormonal or if it is from interrupted workouts, or if it is from something entirely different.  The last few days I have been feeling really lonely.  I miss being in a relationship and having someone there for me that is not family.  That sounds really bad, especially because my family is my biggest support system, but I like the feeling of having and being in a relationship.  I didn't have one for a very long time, not since my daughter was born.  Then I reluctantly got into one about the end of March 2012.  I fell in love with him, against my better judgment.  I say this because for some reason, (and maybe I jinxed myself) I knew he was going to break my heart.  We broke up but we are still really good friends, which is nice, but not the same. 

The loneliness is making me want to eat. I hate being an emotional eater.  I have been doing good ignoring the urge to just binge out on whatever I want, and I am not gonna lie, it is hard.  My co-worker is getting the habit today for lunch because she wants a burger.  Since the thought has been implanted in my head, I haven't stopped thinking about it. I might get a lettuce wrapped veggie burger and hope it cures the craving. 

As for the title of today's blog, well yesterday my co-worker and I had a discussion about how it is always the bitch that wins, that gets what they want.  You can take any situation you'd like, but our discussion was about relationships.  Our theory, and please, tell me if we are wrong, but it is always the needy, whiny, mean girl that gets/keeps the guy.  Nice girls, like me, tend to get overlooked after awhile.  I don't know, maybe in some weird way, guys want that. I know I don't. I don't want some asshole who treats me like shit. I can't imagine a guy wanting a bitch for a girlfriend who treats you like dirt.  I don't know.  My argument sounds weird and belligerent even to me. And I apologize.  Again, I'm still feeling oddly lonely and that is probably the reason for the rant.  My theory works everywhere though. The bitches move up in the companies they work for, they get the guy, etc.  It is weird.  I wish I could say it is because they are determined, but I don't believe that is true in all cases. I've met very lazy people out there, that get the same outcome.  I don't know.

I apologize in advance for the ranting and stuff. I think I just needed to get it out. 

On a much more positive note, I have been able to stay under calories, get my exercise in (although a few of my workouts were interrupted by a not so happy 5 year old) and I am wearing a dress today that I couldn't even zip up a few weeks ago.  Ecstatic isn't even a good enough word to explain how good that feels.  I really want to weigh myself, so I might do that tomorrow morning. 

If I don't blog at all this weekend, you can expect a long one come Monday!

I hope you have a great one!!!

I've been lagging

It is Thursday and my mind is still telling me it is Friday.  I feel like I am coming down with something, but its on the periphial and not quite there, so I am not sure if I am getting sick or if I am just really tired.  Aside from that, I've been lagging in my blogging, which sucks. The good part to all of this, I've been doing really well with my eating and staying under calories.  My exhaustion has hit a peak though and I am not sure why, so I have had two nights off of exercise (although I can still feel the workout from Monday night). 

No matter how tired I am tonight, I'm dragging my fat butt into the living room and working out. A little yoga, a little biking, a little something else. Don't know. I am down a total of 10 lbs though and that makes me very happy! If i kept it up, I'd reach my goal in no time! But I know the reality of it and I will slow down the weight loss. My real goal is 1.5 to 2lbs a week til i reach my goal.

That's all for now, gotta get to work! Have a great day!